they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She told me I should be a condom model.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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