Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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