I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
