i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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