I CAN MOONWALK!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
