Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
