After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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