Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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