i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
