Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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