I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
