I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
