So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
