Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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