im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We need to get me chipped asap
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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