So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
