i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
