The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
