what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
