my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
