I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
