he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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