I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
