Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
