I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
