Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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