Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
