I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Also, beer. Big fan.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
