i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
