Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
