Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the day after is always just damage control
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
