got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
