I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
