She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
