The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
