i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
