its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
