I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
