I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
