Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
