The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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