Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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