Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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