I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize