never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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