What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
