We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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