I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
