TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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