I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
