I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
