as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
