awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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