Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
