i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i will never coherently bang her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
