The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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