Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
