the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She's JV to your varsity
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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