He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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