My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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