I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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