he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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