worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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