I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
So vagazzling was a success
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
