You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
