I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I forget how to act sober
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
