In the future we'll all be gay
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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