Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize
