i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
