tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize